Here in Sudan, seat belts aren't a big thing. In fact, 90% of the cars you get in don't even have working seat belts. And the Sudanese could care less. It's like being in a cab in New York - if you buckle up, you're from out of town.
I still try to wear one whenever possible as the traffic can be a little hair raising at times. Case in point, a few weeks ago I was being driven between schools and my driver, who acts like a 16 year old who just got his license (I'm looking at you, Scott), was racing toward a red light. It was a major intersection, so it was equipped with a cool timer that tells drivers just long until the light changes. The one up ahead said 63 seconds. We were 100 meters away, going about 50MPH (80km/h). You don't have to flash back to high school math to figure out that this is too fast.
The driver finally decided to slam on the brakes. Realising this wouldn't be enough, he reached down and pulled the hand brake. As we were thrown forward in our seats, the car skidded to a halt just shy of the crossing traffic. This prompted Phin to turn and calmly ask the driver if he even had a license.
So you can see, seat belts are totally necessary here.
And the new Sudan Academy of Traffic seems to agree.
The Sudan Academy of Traffic (or whatever it's called, it's in Arabic) is actually not a bad idea. Unlike many things the government takes on, this project is not completely futile. The basic idea is that it's a driving school (privately owned) that the government requires you to attend if you want to obtain a driver's license. It's pretty much Driver's Ed; you take courses, practice driving, and have a big test at the end.
However, there is one aspect sets the Sudan Academy of Traffic apart from other driving schools: the seat belt simulator.
The seat belt simulator, or SBS as all the cool kids call it, is a giant machine whose one goal is
You get in, buckle up, and prepare yourself for a wholesome lesson in safety. The SBS proceeds to jerk you forward a couple of times and then, for good measure, flip you upside down. Over and over and over. I'm told it shakes you so violently and so thoroughly threatens your spine with whiplash that it answers the age old question of what it feels like to shit and vomit at the same time. All the while, you're strapped in, begging God to end your life, which is impossible because the seat belt keeps you safe enough to remember this experience forever.
It's all part of the course and the course is required to get a driver's license. So, everyone who wants to drive has to go for a ride in the SBS. Everyone. Including grandma.
The guy who told me about all this said that even old ladies have to get inside and go for a whirl in the Sudanese salt and pepper shaker. To be nice, however, they crank it down a notch.
"When it's the old ladies, it shakes them up a bit and only flips them once," he told me.
Well, I'm certainly glad they're not doing anything that would give them a heart attack.
The SBS is classic Sudan mentality. Any decent ideas that might actually help the problem are overshadowed by ridiculous outcomes.
If I can get any pictures of this thing, I will post them immediately.
Fuck pictures. You gotta ride it!
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